Showing posts tagged nice guys

i-once-had-a-guy-tell-me:

Everyone told me I should “just give him a chance” because he “must really like me” if he’s hiding a bunch of really creepy poems about me in his sketchbook. I gave him a chance and quickly decided I didn’t like him, then everyone who had been telling me to give him a chance turned around and shamed me for “leading him on.”

(submitted by anonymous)

i think 4x09 (52 pick-up) has the best exchange in criminal minds history

isabelthespy:

local officer showing video footage of the unsub talking to his victim: “so this guy right here? that’s our killer.”

ssa jordan todd, peering at the screen: “looks like a fedora.”

!!!!!

onlinedatingisliterallytheworst:

steffalopod:

straightgirl:

oh my god

look at how close together hes sending these

Ugh, I HATE when people call women “females.’ I mean, if I had to pick one awful thing here.

that escalated quickly

onlinedatingisliterallytheworst:

steffalopod:

straightgirl:

oh my god

look at how close together hes sending these

Ugh, I HATE when people call women “females.’ I mean, if I had to pick one awful thing here.

that escalated quickly

wtfniceguys:

alexandraerin:

moniquill:

sxizzor:

sendificator:

abaldwin360:

mssswitch:

brainstatic:

He is trying to explain that not getting laid (incel means involuntary celibate) is a violation of his civil rights and a grossly overlooked injustice.  He is completely serious. This is his blog.

what a fucking creepy fucker

Oh my fucking GOD. What an entitled little douche.

“BEING WITHOUT A RELATIONSHIP AND SEX AGAINST YOUR WILL FOR OVER 6 MONTHS” cry me a river

what is that civil rights analogy even

Dear guys who don’t understand why women are often cagey around you:

These men walk among you and are indistinguishable from you until it’s too late.

From his About Me: “I want to share the idea that governments have to help people get partners.”

Suddenly, in a totally unrelated coincident, I have a brilliant and terrifying idea for a new dystopian fiction setting.

 

OH MY GOD. I cannot with Nice Guys™ like this. FUCK.

I’ll try to contain my rage with a nice list of why he is SO fucking wrong. Ahem.

  • Women are often single too, even when they don’t want to be. Nobody is entitled to a relationship with anyone. Period.
  • Comparing women to restaurants is disgusting and objectifying. Stop.
  • Comparing the civil rights movement to you not getting laid is also disgusting. Stop that too.
  • You may not like being single, but that is not, in any way shape or form, oppression. 
  • You are probably single “against your will” because you view women as restaurants that have an obligation to service you. 
  • If we really wanted to help people who felt depressed because they were single, a big step would be teaching them that they don’t need a relationship to be validated and happy, NOT trying to match people up with tax money (honestly, I read it twice, and I still don’t know exactly what it is that you’re proposing). 
  • You clearly have a warped view of women, the civil rights movement, and oppression and you are awful. STAHP.

As was mentioned before, things like this are a big reason women have trouble trusting men. The predators, the Nice Guys™, the creeps, the guys who feel entitled to women, they’re all out there, masquerading as decent dudes. 

Billie Piper wondering wtf is going on

pitifulrain:

and-it-made-me-complete:

“Indeed, the idea of ‘winning the girl’ – of overcoming female objections or resistance through repeated and frequently escalating efforts – is central to most of our modern romantic narratives. (Female persistence, by contrast, is viewed as pathetic.) And the more I think about instances of creepiness, harassment and stalking that culminate in either the threat or actuality of sexual assault, the more I’m convinced that a massive part of the problem is this socially sanctioned idea that men are fundamentally entitled to persist. Because if men are meant to persist, then women who say no must only be rejecting the attempt, not the man himself, so that every separate attempt becomes one of a potentially infinite number of keys which might just fit the lock of the woman’s approval. She’s not the one who’s allowed to say no, not really; she should be silent and passive as a locked door, waiting patiently while the man runs through however many keys he can be bothered trying. And if he gets sick of this lengthy process and just breaks in? Well, frustration under those circumstances is only natural. Either the door shouldn’t have been there to impede him, or it shouldn’t have been locked.”

The Creepiness Question (via notemily)

This is something that I am dealing with at the moment and many times before.

This one guy starts talking to me and it was like a week before Valentine’s day. We only spoke two or three times and he was just another of many college acquaintances. He caught me after my night class one day and asks me if I know what day it is, so obviously I say Thursday and he’s “it’s Valentine’s Day”

I tell him I don’t celebrate that holiday, if one can call it as such, and try to leave. He goes with me, and when we’re outside the building he pulls out a freaking gift bag. My brain stops right there and I don’t know what to do. He hands it to me and I am so confused, and freaked out, not in a good way, I take it without thinking.

I don’t know how to be rude to strangers or anyone I am not very close with in particular. I don’t know how to say “Hey dude I just said five minutes before that I don’t want to celebrate Valentines and yet you are pushing this gift bag on me. Instead I say “Thanks, but it was really not necessary.” This was my fault, I know.

However, what I truly found creepy about him, was how clingy he got after having  around four or five 10 minute conversations. He asked me for a phone number way before all that Valentine’s day crap so I could help him with class, and well I gave it to him not knowing how I would later regret it. I guess that should have been my fault number one and then accepting the valentine’s gift fault number two. 

Anyway, he dropped one of the classes we were taking together but he still showed up to that class. He caught me as I was walking out and after a short convo in between classes I thought it was over and started for the exit. He was right at my heels, I only noticed when he tried to resume the conversation. He followed me to the school store, I bought myself roasted peanuts, a thing he reminded me of a month after when he asked if I like peanuts because he remembered me buying them. 

He followed me like a dog, I tried really hard not to look interested because that is the only way I know how to get rid of guys that bother me. I am not good with people, I have social anxiety and someone following me from one of my classes to the other, I find that as overstepping my personal space. 

That day I finally told him that I thought his Valentine’s gift was inappropriate, not the content but the fact that I don’t know him. He dropped the bomb on me by telling me that we know each other. Apparently he asked me a question once two years ago in my chemistry class and he has been watching me from afar and finally gathered a courage to talk to me. He also began the topic of how he wants to be friends for now and we can’t know what might come in the future implying that he would want us to be a thing.

I gave him the usual talk how I am not interested in forming any sort of relationships and that I need to focus on school. I thought he understood but boy I was wrong. 

Over the time I mentioned many times that all I can be is a friend and nothing more, I was clear and specific and he just chose to ignore whatever he wanted to ignore. He did not want to face the reality that I don’t want to be with him. 

Some things he understood and some he didn’t. As I mentioned before he was coming to the class he dropped and at first he told me that was because the class was interesting. An idiot that I am I believed him, but then when he would skip that class he would send me a text that he is not coming, and I would text him back clearly annoyed that “I don’t need to know that and why would he be telling me that?”  His response “Idk, I just want you to know.” Later on I asked him why is he coming to that class, clearly I began suspecting that it was not for the lecture because he would come forty minutes late. “U go I go.” was what I got and that just creeped me out so much that I was actually scared of him. 

I tried to get him off my case by showing him that clearly I am not the perfect pink loving girl he has imagined that I am. He told me that I must like pink, because I had pink highlights once, for a week, two years ago. Back to the topic I try to explain, and tell him that I am not that girl that he just described over the texts and he just thanks me for the info and he will remember that. I tried explaining that to him that I didn’t tell him that so he could add it to the rest creepy things he knows about me, but he didn’t get it.

Being nice or subtle to try to spare poor guy’s feelings is not worth it. It just gives him an incentive for further pursuit.

This week I’ve had enough of his constant talking on how he want to settle down and needs someone. So I told him that it’s his life and he should get himself a girl. Now just a reminder I’ve told him that I didn’t want a boyfriend many many many times. When he wrote me to wait until he finishes school and not to be jealous because he had never kissed a girl in school, I realized that saying that I don’t want a boyfriend just goes unnoticed. I told him straight I did not want to be his girlfriend nor have any sort of relationship with him.

His response you might wonder? “but I want to try, just wait until I finish school” Apparently no was not good enough.

I told him I had no feelings towards him, he said feelings can change and that we should try going out.

I said no, yet again, I explained it to him like I would to a five year old that mine would not change and he’s better of forgetting about me and moving on.

He texted me today. Again. He wants to be friends. No thank you. I am not going to give you a chance to be my friend because you would be terrible at it. Friend is a person who listens and understands, those two qualities that you are clearly not good at. 

Whew, rant over. I apologize for my grammar and spelling. I wanted to comment the quote from above but I thought describing the situation I am in mirrors situations many other girls finds themselves in. 

From the bottom of my heart, to the guys who keep on pursuing the girls who are not interested in them, and are too shy, or too nice to say enough, please be the good guy and leave them alone.

I just want to reblog this as a perfect example of the kind of shit that happens as a direct result of the “persistence works” myth. Please, don’t be this guy.

misanderysoncooper:

i visited the friend zone to see if i could make some friends but it was just a bunch of angry men’s rights activists in fedoras???

“In short, to anyone with dating experience, “nice guy” sounds like “essentially lackluster, if largely unobjectionable male person.” And this is what you’re presenting as your best trait. This is what you aspire to. Now, I hear some of you complaining “women always say they want a nice guy.” I know lots of women — I’m even related to a few — and I can’t say I’ve ever heard any of them say that. I can’t prove it, but this sounds like one of those things stand-up comedians say about women and everyone else just repeats. I’ve also never known a woman who cries when she breaks a nail — although I’ve known a few who swear like a 15-year-old sailor in jail — and I’ve never had a woman ask me if her outfit made her look fat unless she actually wanted and subsequently appreciated my opinion. So either I’ve stumbled upon a secret trove of women who aren’t passive-aggressive sob machines, or you need to stop mistaking Dane Cook routines for peer-reviewed sociological studies. At any rate, if a woman does say “I just wish I could find a nice guy,” I would suggest this is the equivalent of “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse.” Which is to say, she’s not hoping you’ll say, “You’re in luck, I have a dead horse in my backyard!” The Sapir-Whorf hypothesis states that the way you use language shapes your perception of the world. (This should not be confused with the Sapir-Worf hypothesis, which states that the Romulans are lying and we should raise shields.) So maybe you’d become a better person if you started by not using such a flaccid, pallid term to refer to yourself. Here’s my suggestion: Instead of trying to be a nice guy, aspire to be a good man. You might be surprised at the results.”

dansolomon:

It’s easy to understand why guys are frustrated when they find themselves in the situation that “friendzone” describes, though. Nothing about watching while someone you’d like to be dating goes out with other people is pleasant, and it’s even harder when you share enough emotional intimacy with that person for them to talk about their other relationships with you. Lots of people have been there — I certainly have — and it sucks. It’s really no way to live.

The way you end up in that situation, though, is by building that intimacy under false pretenses, which is where the “nice guys” go wrong. It’s understandable why they do it: From a distance, being direct looks a lot like being rude, and being confident looks a lot like being cocky and self-obsessed. Rudeness and self-involvement are not traits that nice guys (or “nice guys”) want to possess, so maintaining a self-image as a “nice guy” involves being indirect and not displaying confidence outwardly.

I wrote another thing for The Frisky, this time about the “friendzone” and all of the loaded baggage that comes with that (really rather gross) word. A few notes: 

  • I remembered the term from that Chris Rock bit years ago, but I hadn’t realized that it had taken on a memetic life until the Nice Guys Of OKCupid Tumblr launched and all of these dudes used the word in their angry rants. (I’m well familiar with the “nice guy” angry rant, though.) It never stops surprising me how people can take something said in jest and make it a very serious matter of INJUSTICE, which is how this all comes across.
  • There are a lot of very legitimate critiques of the entitlement that goes into even viewing the “friendzone” as a punishment, but I mostly didn’t make them here. 
  • I am very cautious not to go into woman-centric spaces like The Frisky, xoJane, etc, and attempt to explain feminism or gender relations to women. When you have a piece or two that goes viral, though, you get those opportunities. I’m working with The Frisky because they were recommended to me by a friend that I trust, and because my editor there was really interested in having me contribute the sort of thing that a woman wouldn’t have had the experiences to write about effectively. 
  • I have opinions about the gender roles in Django Unchained, for example, but there are obviously countless women who are better equipped to write about them than I am. (If I want to write about that stuff, that’s what this blog is for.) 
  • So with this piece, I wanted to write something directly to the dudes who think of themselves as Nice Guys, and I wanted to have some empathy for the fear of vulnerability that dudes are socialized to feel. Because that’s a product of the same oppressive culture that treats women like shit. Basically, I have the luxury of not having an extremely personal stake in this sort of thing, so I wanted to approach the issue with a generosity that my privilege affords me. I’m really curious if that’s a place where a dude writing about feminism-based topics can be effective. 
  • It might not be! In the meantime, I’m really glad that The Frisky is giving me the chance to find out like this, and we’ll see how it all ends up. Give it a read, if you’re so inclined

stfuconservatives:

theconcealedweapon:

Click Here

Text (would be legible on actual shirt):

1. You have no problem with the gender wage gap. But you hate having to pay for dates.

2. You insist that it’s a scientifically proven fact that men are stronger than women. But you complain about society believing that it’s worse for a man to hit a woman than for a woman to hit a man.

3. You believe that the age of consent is unfair and that there’s nothing wrong with having sex with teenage girls. But when you find out that a teenage girl enjoys sex, you believe she’s the biggest slut in the world.

4. You hate when a woman automatically assumes that a man is a douchebag before getting to know him. But when you like a woman who likes another man, you assume he’s a douchebag just because he’s not you.

5. You believe that if women want equality, they should be drafted into the military. But you also believe that the military is not a place for women.

6. You hate when women assume that men are like wild animals. But you believe that a woman who doesn’t cover up and make herself invisible to men is just like someone wearing a meat suit around wild animals.

7. You hate the fact that men are bullied for not conforming to their male gender roles. But when you find out that a man disagrees with your beliefs about women’s rights, your immediate response is to try to emasculate him by comparing him to a woman as an insult.

8. You hate when women assume that there are no nice guys. But you call yourself a nice guy and act like it’s a rare quality that should cause women to be all over you.

9. You hate when women assume that men just want to get laid. But when you find out that a man is a feminist, you assume that he’s just doing it to get laid.

10. You hate when women make generalizations about all men. But when a woman calls you out for being sexist, you claim that all men think like you.

11. You insist that women should be responsible for protecting themselves from being raped. But when they follow the one piece of advice that actually works, which is being aware of red flags, you complain about them assuming that all men are rapists.

(slow clap)

yeti-detective:

How is this even a thing? I’m a dude. I get it. Girls can be scary. They look just like humans, but they make Weird Things happen in your pants-area. It must be magic. They are the Gargamels to your dick’s whatever-Smurf-your-dick-is.

(Sidenote: the makers of The Smurfs meant for each Smurf to represent a different kind of dick. There are 99 dick archetypes. Mine’s Vanity Smurf because it’s so god damned beautiful. Yours might be Baby Smurf because it’s so tiny or Fakir Smurf because it’s racist as hell.)

Actually, none of that is true. Girls are normal humans, and I’m pretty sure Smurfs aren’t dicks, though the hats are suspicious. The problem is that when you see a girl your body goes all Breaking Bad and starts manufacturing chemicals that Jack You Up. That’s scary. I know. I overdosed on PCP once.

Before I launch into this I need to say that if you’re a high school kid, and you’re getting “friend zoned,” I do not blame you for being an idiot. You’re going through a lot of bullshit right now, and your body is more like season 4 of Breaking Bad where for a grown man it’s more like season 1 or 2. But read this article and become wiser than your fellow dweebs. Stop fearing girls as capricious and devastating forces of nature and start seeing them as people who are EXACTLY LIKE YOU except with different pants-parts and, in many cases, different shirt-parts.

If you’re a grown man (read: 19 or older, and I’m cutting the 18 year olds a fucking break here) and you get “friendzoned,” then the following words are for you, Friendzone.

Stop it. How is this even happening? What are the events that are occurring? This is what I imagine:

  1. You become attracted to a woman.

  2. You are friendly to that woman in the hopes she will show you her vagina.

  3. She mistakes your friendliness for friendliness and befriends you, neglecting to show you her vagina.

  4. You act like a butthurt little asswipe, forever placing yourself firmly outside of the circle on the Venn diagram of dudes she will ever show her vagina to.

  5. You complain about it on the internet, and 1000 other maladjusted bro-dudes go, “I know that feel,” and you are validated in your misogyny.

We’ll call that Scenario 1 because there is a second scenario I imagine where “friendzoning” may occur. We will refer to this as Scenario B. (Did that throw you off, Friendzone? Keep on your toes. I am the ninja master in your training regimen to stop being a douche bag.)

  1. You become attracted to a woman.

  2. You befriend her in a passive-aggressive, it’s-us-against-the-world kind of way.

  3. She tolerates that because she’s too nice to tell you, “fuck off, you creep.”

  4. She dates an actual interesting guy with an actual personality.

  5. They break up, and she hurts.

  6. You offer your shoulder to cry on.

  7. She cries on your shoulder.

  8. She dates another interesting guy.

  9. You go, “What the fuck? You cried on my shoulder! Show me your vagina!”

  10. She reacts something like, “I thought we were friends, you creepy-ass, fucking creep!”

  11. You tell the internet you’ve been friendzoned.

  12. The internet validates your misogyny.

So, what’s wrong? You’re a nice guy, right? Why aren’t theses Stupid Whores showing you their vaginas? Probably because you’re too nice. You should be a douche bag like that guy she dated who had interests besides pretending to be her friend while simultaneously trying to eye-laser her pants off. Well, good news: you ARE a douche bag!

Consider something for me. Imagine that I, an incredibly good-looking, nice, eligible man, was walking into a shop ahead of you. As I reach the door I stop to look behind me, and I see you there only a few paces away. So I wait and hold the door. Maybe you say something like, “Thanks, bro. That was really nice.”

To which I respond, “Yeah, it was. Now you know what you have to do, right?” And I take my dick out.

Would that be uncomfortable for you? Would it be unpleasant for you to live in a world where, if a man was nice to you, it meant he expected you to pleasure him sexually? Guess what! That’s uncomfortable for women, too. Isn’t that weird? It’s almost like they’re the same kind of person you are. WEIRD!

No, actually. It’s not weird. It turns out they are the same kind of person you are, and having unwanted dicks around is as horrifying to them as it is to you. So, stop. Stop it with your unwanted dick.

Here’s the hard truth, Friendzone. You’re not a nice guy. You are a gutless, pathetic, sad, horny little worm who’s too afraid of rejection to just tell a woman how you really feel. Your anger when she doesn’t psychically glean your unspoken desires and automatically reciprocate them is actually just you externalizing the disgust you feel for your own cowardice. You think pretending to be friends with a woman will get her to have sex with you because women are sex-objects to you. You can’t imagine a non-sexual friendship with a woman being rewarding in any way because you don’t think of them as whole, real people. It doesn’t occur to her to date you either because your pandering comes of as unchallenging and uninteresting or because your creepiness is obvious and unnerving.

How can you stop being such a douche bag? Well, I suggest forming a friendship with a woman. You’re going to need to find one who can put up with a lot of bullshit, because that’s all you’ve really got to offer at this early stage. A good indicator is if she’s been married a long time or has raised children. Invest time and energy in this relationship WITHOUT thinking about your constant loneliness-boner. Once you have internalized the knowledge that your new friend has thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, AND breasts, take a look around you. Look at the world. Look at all of the people with breasts. Those people are just like her, just like your friend. They, too, have thoughts, feelings, hopes, and dreams. Even the ones you want to fuck. Isn’t the world magical?

Here’s my last advice, Friendzone. People, men and women both, are complex, emotional creatures, and virtually all of them are horny. If you’re honest with yourself and honest with them you will form trusting, open connections with a large network of humans. Those people are called friends. You will be in many friend zones. You will be a better person. Someone will fuck you. Trust me.

Right so this is awesome, and I’m going to tack on Captain Awkward's advice to consume more media created by women. Do you like to read books? Read books written by women! It's not that hard! Women write books too! And if they are ABOUT women, so much the better! The idea is to internalize the whole “women are people” thing, and art is a great way to empathize with a person and get inside their head without being creepy about it.

I’m not saying you have to read romance novels or “chick lit,” although if that’s what you want to read, then by all means. But you know that favorite genre of books you have? Mystery, horror, science fiction, fantasy, Real Literature(tm), nonfiction of any stripe? Women write for it, too. I guarantee you they do. So read some, or consume some other kind of art created by a woman, and if you’re resistant to that idea, ask yourself why that is.

A Quick Guide to Nice Guy(TM) Responses (aka You Can't Win):

  • Act friendly: "She lead me on! Bitch!"
  • Don't act friendly: "She didn't give me a chance! Bitch!"
  • Let them down nicely: "Well she said 'not right now', so I'll keep trying 'til she changes her mind."
  • Flat-out say no: "What?! But I'm so nice! What a bitch! I'll keep trying 'til she changes her mind because she OWES me now."
  • Date someone else: "Ugh, women only date jerks!"
  • Don't date someone else: "Hello?! You clearly are single and so am I, why aren't we naked yet?"
  • Marry someone else, have baby, die tragically fighting Voldemort: "Now I will torture her emotionally and physically abused son because I loved her so much and she married that jackass Potter instead!"

thisgingersnapsback:

content warning: stalker-ish.

Once upon a time, a guy came up to me at work. I was seeing someone at the time, and he asked if I was single—I told him no. I found it weird that he gave me some self-pity rant about how “all the good ones are taken.” I felt guilty—and I didn’t know why.

Soon, I broke up with said person I was with at the time. This other fellow found out immediately via friends of friends and came up to me at work literally the next day after my break-up and played dumb. He asked about my boyfriend—I told him I was single. (I would’ve lied had I known how much creepy effort he put in to discovering my “status,” but alas, I didn’t.)

He proceeded to continue coming up to my place of work until eventually I started having a fling with another guy. I told him about it, and once again, he seemed heartbroken and sad. Again, I felt guilty—but I really wasn’t interested in him in any way besides friendship.

So the fling died and yet again this dude shows up—odd, I wondered, how he was never around when I was with someone, but began his usual routine when he discovered I was “available.” So, he brought me flowers. Then a stuffed animal. Then sweets. And I wanted to reject his gifts because they made me uncomfortable as fuck, but I remembered his self-pity, and once again I felt guilty, so I accepted them.

I was accused of leading him on since shortly after all this I started dating my most recent ex. Apparently I owed him “at least a blow-job,” one male friend “joked,” while actually defending the guy. “Well you DID take the flowers, and don’t you feel a little bad for the guy?” he asked, and at the time I couldn’t accurately describe my rage, but I clearly can, now.

I found out later that I wasn’t the first girl to suffer through this man’s “affections.” I was regaling my tale of this horrible guy to a friend of mine, and she stopped me mid-story and asked for a description of the guy. I told her, and apparently he’s the same guy that made her stop going to her favourite cafe. He found out she went there on Fridays for a poetry jam thing, and started stalking her.

Then I found more and more women around campus who had suffered similarly from this guy’s attention. I went back to the same male friend of mine who before defended him, thinking surely he’ll see why I was so bothered, now!

But, nope. My “friend” just laughed, and said, “Wow, man’s desperate but determined! Gotta give him that.”

This is male privilege. This is how it works. It guilts and even terrorizes women into thinking that just because a man is being nice to us, we owe him anything. It’s that disgusting sense of entitlement, “Well I bought you flowers and you accepted them, so obviously you feel the same way so take off your pants.”

It’s gross, it’s fucked up, and if you know someone who does this, sit them down and tell them why it’s bad. I’m tired of guys giving their ~bros~ breaks because “Oh, the poor dude just needs to get laid” or some shit. 

And if you’re the type that does this, harasses women and then calls them on the phone sobbing when they’ve told you they’re dating someone new (happened twice with this creep) then you need a good stop on the face. You’re gross, and no one feels sorry for you but yourself, so stop trying to guilt us into returning your affections or giving you anything you don’t deserve.

“In pop culture, girls who crush hopelessly on guys they can’t have are painted as just that – hopeless. Over and over again, we’re taught that girls who openly express sexual or romantic interest in guys who don’t want them are pitiable, stalkerish, desperate, crazy bitches. More often than not, they’re also portrayed as ugly – whether physically, emotionally or both – in order to further establish their undesirability as an objective fact. Both narratively and, as a consequence, in real life, men are given free reign to snub, abuse, mislead and talk down to such women: we’re raised to believe that female desire is unseemly, so that any consequent shaming is therefore deserved. There is no female-equivalent Friend Zone terminology because, in the language of our culture, a man’s romantic choices are considered sacrosanct and inviolable. If a girl has been told no, then she has only herself to blame for anything that happens next – but if a woman says no, then she must not really mean it. Or, if she does, she shouldn’t: the rejected man is a universally sympathetic figure, and everyone from moviegoers to platonic onlookers will scream at her to just give him a chance, as though her rejection must always be unfounded rather than based on the fact that he had a chance, and blew it. And even then, give him another one! The pathos of Single Nice Guys can only be eased by pity-sex with unwilling women that blossoms into romance!”
Lamenting the Friendzone, or: The Nice Guy Approach to Perpetuating Sexist Bullshit   (via monkeyknifefight)

e gu

andthenisay:

Every time I see a post by a Nice Guy, it’s always the same story. “I was friends with a woman, and I had feelings for her, and instead of returning my feelings, she ran off with a string of hot skeezy assholes and left me to sit on the sidelines.”

Here is a thing I’ve hardly ever heard a woman say: “You know, I was friends with this guy and he just kept dating all these other hot, slutty chicks instead of realizing that I was standing right there. All guys are insensitive and unfeeling assholes, and I’m too good for them.” And I don’t think that women don’t say that because that never happens. It does happen. It’s happened to me. I’ve been friends with guys and had feelings for them that they didn’t return. It happens to everyone.

But here’s the difference: instead of thinking that there is something wrong with the guy we’re pining/lusting after and that he might be a dickhead (which may well be true), women are taught from a very early age (in a way that men are absolutely not) that the problem is internal. “Five Ways to Make Him Notice You.” “Are You Sending Off the Right Signals?” “Wow Him in Ten Words or Less.” Women are absolutely INUNDATED with the message that male attention is something that we must earn and then fight to keep, and if this is true, then I think I realize your problem, Nice Guy.

Men are not inherently deserving of female attention.

Let me repeat that for you, just in case you missed it.

Men are not inherently deserving of female attention. And similarly, women do not always WANT male attention. Women OFTEN do not want male attention. If your advances are unwelcome, that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with you. (Though to be honest, you seem like a dick.) I know the media has convinced you it’s true, Nice Guy, but women do not constantly crave male approval and validation.

I was out with my family one night and a male friend of mine was trying and failing to get the twist-off cap off a bottle of beer, and when I reached over and unscrewed it for him (because he is an idiot), my aunts and mother all looked at me with a certain level of concern in their eyes and said, “That’s not something you’d do if you were out at a bar, is it? Or with someone you were dating?”

Firstly, as I’ve mentioned, I do not spend all of my time hoping that the guy across from me is going to want to fuck me. Secondly, anyone who is intimidated enough by me unscrewing his beer is not really someone I feel the need to spend an extended amount of time with. And thirdly, if unscrewing his beer is a dealbreaker, there’s a whole shitload of things about me I guarantee he isn’t going to like. But I think maybe you’ve been secretly hanging out with my older female relatives, Nice Guy, because they seem to think (as you do) that I am trying to please you all the time.

Spoiler alert: I am not. 

There’s a certain level of women’s behavior that is always expected to be performative, to be for the benefit of others; specifically, to be for the benefit of men. But I have never heard a guy internalize his romantic frustration in the way that women are taught and encouraged to do. And that’s so gross to me, the notion that women are inherently wanting and men are inherently deserving. It’s gross to me, Nice Guy, that you are comfortable enough with your misogynistic, bullshit entitlement to utter it out loud, where people can hear you, and that you would expect me to give any kind of shits about whether or not I’ve hurt your feelings.

It’s gross to me, Nice Guy. You’re gross to me, Nice Guy. And that’s just one of the many, many reason why I will not fuck you.

(via The Real Reason You’ll Never Escape The Friend Zone)
everyone on the internet has probably seen this image by now but I don’t care, posting anyway

(via The Real Reason You’ll Never Escape The Friend Zone)

everyone on the internet has probably seen this image by now but I don’t care, posting anyway