Showing posts tagged gender

causeallidoisdance:

piecesofamoonchyld:

Recently Kaige told us he wishes he could be both a boy and a girl because he likes playing princesses as much as ninjas and he doesn’t want to get made fun of. So we bought him a tutu and gave him a makeover. Meet the new and improved Kaige. If you have a problem with it please keep it to yourself and kindly stay out of his life. Which would be a shame because as you can see he’s freakin’ awesome! #letmebeme #mumblr #stopbullying

WHAT A FUCKING RAD KID WITH RAD HAIR

causeallidoisdance:

piecesofamoonchyld:

Recently Kaige told us he wishes he could be both a boy and a girl because he likes playing princesses as much as ninjas and he doesn’t want to get made fun of. So we bought him a tutu and gave him a makeover. Meet the new and improved Kaige. If you have a problem with it please keep it to yourself and kindly stay out of his life. Which would be a shame because as you can see he’s freakin’ awesome! #letmebeme #mumblr #stopbullying

WHAT A FUCKING RAD KID WITH RAD HAIR

houseofalexzander:

Lustrous.

A man in the grocery store line today approached me and said, “Sir, when I first saw you I was extremely attracted to you, but then I noticed that you are a boy. How… I mean, why do you dress so provocatively?”

I responded, “Well, in today’s world the majority of the straight male race view women as objects, or something that belongs to them. I dress provocatively because it attracts the attention of men in a sexual and OBJECTIVE way. However, when realized that I am actually male, they often become confused, disgusted, upset or all of the above. By inflicting this minor emotional damaged upon the ego of a man raised by twisted societal gender norms, maybe, just maybe the individual will think twice before viewing another woman with an objective attitude and sense of belonging. No woman, belongs to ANYONE. Male or female, the equality of human beings needs to be a priority. It is something worth dressing up for.”

I AM NOT KIDDING. The woman behind me, the female cashier, the old lady bagging groceries and the woman in front of me who was talking on the phone STOPPED, …. and proceeded to gasp and clap. The man shook my hand, told me to have a blessed day and then said, “excuse me ladies, I need to visit my daughter.”

…. I was shaking by the time I walked out of the store.

- Elliott Alexzander

librariansdoitinthestacks:

applebeveragesaur:

rageaholicanonymous:

Today on Unnecessarily Gendered Items

Men’s BREAD?

do companies think men are really such fragile fucking babies that they need their masculinity confirmed in everything they buy

because that’s a pretty insulting implication but I don’t know how else to interpret this shit

ABOUT THE RECENT EVENTS CONCERNING YOUTUBE

maureenjohnsonbooks:

Many of you already know about some of the recent events concerning various YouTube performers and allegations of sexual misconduct. When I read about this (and it seems to come and come right now), I thought, “I have nothing to add to this.” So I just watched. And was sad. And also heartened by the fact that a really serious, progressive conversation as going on.

 But then I read a piece about these events (it was in the Daily Dot, the link is here). This quote stuck with me.

 “Looking at the responses from Alex Day, the Green brothers, and the cofounder of DFTBA records, one begins to notice something missing from the conversation: female voices. Among the various sex scandals and the resulting blog posts from friends and coworkers, it’s vanishingly rare to hear from any woman who isn’t speaking from the perspective of a victim or fan.

It would be grossly inaccurate to say that there are no women in the amorphous online community that surrounds the vlogbrothers, DFTBA Records, Tumblr fandom celebrities and geek-culture bands like Chameleon Circuit. But when it comes to the kind of devoted fan community one finds on Tumblr, most of the Internet celebrities who end up with “idol” status are part of the same demographic: cute, nerdy white guys who write and vlog about things like Doctor Who, YA literature, feminism, gay rights, and Internet culture.”

I thought about this a lot. Aside from Melissa Anelli, I didn’t see any women speaking about it from entirely outside the sphere of events. And that did bother me. (Though I want to add: I think Hank Green made an excellent video on this topic. I hope it gets a million views.)

So, because that gap is there, and because I have the benefit of being older—I thought I might widen the focus a little and talk about my own experience and maybe how we got here and where we can go from this point. Because there are many, many places to go.

I’m about to get personal, and also, if you have any issues with stories of a sexual/abusive nature, just be aware that I am about to list some. But if you can bear with it, maybe go through, because there is a rainbow on the other side.

I was recently reading David Sedaris’s latest book, and in one essay he brings up the fact that as a teenager, he had the sudden and off-putting realization that all of his sisters had been approached by men in cars who had exposed themselves to them while masturbating. And I stopped for a moment, because something in my brain said, “Well, of course.” It happened to me when I was 14, stuck outside of school on a Philadelphia side street late one afternoon when my mom had forgotten what time our holiday concert practice was over. I was lured to the car when the man mumbled a request for directions. I seem to remember using a string of expletives and most likely my middle finger, then I spent the next 45 minutes debating whether or not to knock on the convent door and ask to be allowed to stay inside until my mom got there. In the end, I angrily paced the sidewalk until she got there, furious that it had happened, thinking up new, as-yet unheard of curses. I wanted him to come back so I could key his car into the next century. I wanted to go home.

I said nothing to my mother.

In my protected life, largely devoid of danger, I have been:

 -       Physically grabbed twice on city streets and pulled along by a stranger until breaking loose

-       Groped on the street (no count on that)

-       Groped on an airplane over the course of several hours while crossing the Atlantic until I told the person responsible (who had by then come to sit next to me on the plane) that I had a TERRIBLE SICKNESS (I had mono) and coughed in his face until he retreated. Then I leaned over and coughed over the seat on him.

-       Ground on the subway. (Look this one up if you don’t know it.)

-       When answering an ad for a nanny while working abroad in London, lured to a remote location by a much older man, where it was revealed the entire interview was a false pretense. I was then offered money in exchange to be a live-in sexual partner (the salary would include “three times a week, some dinners, and clothes.”) This episode ended with me jumping out of a still (slowly) moving car.

-       Given GHB (or similar) at a party by someone who then followed me as I left (as I realized there was something wrong and I was losing consciousness). He attempted to lure me to come back with him to his room, and I kept conscious long enough to continue walking away.  I got to where I was staying and locked the door before passing out, fully dressed, coat on, on the floor for five hours.

-       And one other incident I prefer not to go into, of a more serious nature. (Don’t panic. I just prefer not to, and it’s my prerogative not to. I am sure you understand.)

I really have led a very protected life. These things I describe? Are really quite common. Gross, right? And I was born into relative privilege, so there are so many women facing so much worse. (Also, gender is irrelevant here. These things can and do happen to anyone. But the numbers for women are higher, and I am getting to that.)

Why did I just make that list?  Why did I drop this series of bummers on you? I’ll tell you.

The idea is this: things just HAPPEN to girls, and it’s part of the fabric. We often don’t even mention them. Or maybe, we DIDN’T. Not so much. Because it was just understood that there was a certain amount of shit we were going to have to go through, and the only possible responses were to: OVERPROTECT US, or BLAME US, or NOT BELIEVE US. Because what the hell else do you do? (When I have described these things, often matter-of-factly to men I now know in adulthood, they tend to sit there and boggle because so many SIMPLY DO NOT KNOW how very common it all is.)

I’ve seen many of you commenting about these recent events and saying that you want to give up on your community of friends, that you’re confused and sad and disappointed and what is going on and how did this even happen?

To the case at hand…

It is important to note that in cases of abuse and exploitation—gender is irrelevant. But it is also worth noting that the cases we are talking about now are all about girls—usually underage—being taken advantage of by males, a bit older, with some celebrity. I spend a lot of my free time* trying to start discussions on the nature of gender in book publishing, as that’s where I work. As a culture we do tend to give the nod to men more than women—as voices of authority, as objects of adulation, as examples of excellence and the standard bearers of quality. This is not a vast conspiracy, but a long and deep rooted habit that is taking time to unwork. But one of the steps to unworking is to realize that it’s a thing. THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU CANNOT OR SHOULD NOT HAVE MALE HEROES. It does mean that we need to explore, on occasion, the nature of the adulation.

In these recent cases, the adulation turned into sexual exploitation, something that’s not new in any respect. BUT! What is new is the focus and awareness that’s been brought to the subject. Take heart, and take notes. And watch Hank’s video, because I think he really nails it. The idea that sex and romance is a chase—a wild, violent chase in which one party must submit—is problematic in the extreme. When discussing any kind of sexual contact—if you’re not talking from the same level, it’s not a discussion, and it’s not healthy. If you are offered the chance to have some kind of sexual contact with a “celebrity” (of any water) ask yourself this: do I feel like I am less than this person? Is this person doing me a favor? Is this person LIFTING ME UP because I am SO LOW and they are so AMAZING and they can do ANYTHING and I am A WORM and must put up with it to keep this AMAZING THING.

Those are the wrong answers, and it means it’s not a healthy relationship.

And if you’re a minor and this person is an adult? Please listen to your Auntie MJ. You may be thinking, “But this case is different! We really love each other! [Other person] is not like the others! I’m not like the others! This isn’t weird! We’re totally a couple!”

You’re not a couple. You’re a victim, and you need to get out of there and tell someone what is going on. I know there may be a pull inside of you—a pull so strong—toward this person. You may think this is going to work out. It’s not going to work out. I am not trying to kill your dreams, but to get you to a place of safety, as you are currently not in one. ACTUAL ADULTS KNOW THAT IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO HAVE SEXUAL CONTACT WITH MINORS. Adults that do not follow this rule ARE PREDATORS. There is a reason it’s illegal. It’s not just some idiots trying to ruin your good time. YOU WILL ONLY BE THANKFUL LATER THAT YOU GOT OUT OF THERE.

 And don’t let this mislead you into thinking that you should give up on all the things you love, that there’s a dangerous spider under every rock. There isn’t. And if we all move into this conversation and make it a public one, and make it a healthy one, only good can come.

I can tell you this…I’ve been, like I said, in some of these dark corners, and I’m here, right now, a FULLY GROWN LADY, and I’m doing awesome. None of those bastards slowed me down. If anything, I stepped on a few of them to get to you guys. I love your enthusiasm and I love your fandoms and I love how you embrace all of these new, great things—these songs and stories and people. There is no reason to give up. None at all. NOT EVERYONE IS BAD. That’s one of the lies that these kinds of incidents breed. If you need help, HELP IS OUT THERE IN DROVES. 

Do not be afraid to tell someone. It’s the only way it stops.

Those of us who have crashed on the rocks—well, we climbed the rocks and built a lighthouse. And we keep the lights on for you, and we will always be here, and the light will remain on no matter how great the storm. And when the storm is over, we will still be here.

love,

mj

* the concept of “free time” is a nebulous one

brofisting:

elvendork:

brutereason:

LOOK WHAT YOU CAN NOW DO ON FACEBOOK.
(h/t GayWrites)

I JUST CHANGED MINE OFFICIALLY no more roundabout hacking to get my pronouns right??? 
also worth noting:

cis ppl step up

AHHH THIS IS SO COOL????? what on earth, facebook, did you just do A Good Thing???
go forth & accurately represent yourself on the internet with ease, everyone!!

brofisting:

elvendork:

brutereason:

LOOK WHAT YOU CAN NOW DO ON FACEBOOK.

(h/t GayWrites)

I JUST CHANGED MINE OFFICIALLY no more roundabout hacking to get my pronouns right??? 

also worth noting:

image

cis ppl step up

AHHH THIS IS SO COOL????? what on earth, facebook, did you just do A Good Thing???

go forth & accurately represent yourself on the internet with ease, everyone!!

“In an larger earlier study (from which the participants of the PNAS study were a subset), the same research team compellingly demonstrated that the sex differences in the psychological skills they measured – executive control, memory, reasoning, spatial processing, sensorimotor skills, and social cognition – are almost all trivially small.

To give a sense of the huge overlap in behaviour between males and females, of the twenty-six possible comparisons, eleven sex differences were either non-existent, or so small that if you were to select a boy and girl at random and compare their scores on a task, the “right” sex would be superior less than 53% of the time.

Even the much-vaunted female advantage in social cognition, and male advantage in spatial processing, was so modest that a randomly chosen boy would outscore a randomly chosen girl on social cognition – and the girl would outscore the boy on spatial processing – over 40% of the time.

[…]Yet the authors describe these differences as “pronounced” and as reflecting “behavioural complementarity” – scientific jargon-speak for “men are from Mars, women are from Venus”. Rather than drawing on their impressively rich data-set to empirically test questions about how brain connectivity characteristics relate to behaviour, the authors instead offer untested stereotype-based speculation.”

New insights into gendered brain wiring, or a perfect case study in neurosexism? (via brutereason)

I have read (I think from Myths of Gender in my college Women’s Studies class) that, in general, the differences between the average man and the average woman are much less than the spectrum of difference within either gender. So in the example of height, while the average woman might be a few inches shorter than the average man, the shortest woman is MUCH shorter than the tallest woman and the shortest man is MUCH shorter than the tallest man. We are more similar than we are different.

LET’S DO THE COVERFLIP

maureenjohnsonbooks:

I had this little idea on Twitter today. I have lots of little ideas on Twitter. And I have no doubt that this idea has been had before, because it’s that kind of idea. But it’s also the kind of idea worth repeating.

It started like this. I made a comment along the lines of, “Okay, Publishing. I get it. You want me to be a dude. That’s the message you’ve been sending me.” Why would I say something like this? Oh, for a MYRIAD of reasons. I got reasons out the wazoo.

I also know the grass is always greener, etc., and lots of guy writers are thinking, ‘Things are not so great for us, you know.’ This is because things are usually easy or constantly fantastic for most writers. Most of you reading this like books, but lots of people don’t read much. Sometimes, trying to sell a book is about as easy as trying to sell a dead snake. So the casual reader goes by the package, the overall PRESENTATION of the thing. What’s the cover like? Where is it in the store? Is this book supposed to be for me? What’s a book? Do I eat it? 

Etc.

We could (and have) discussed many issues in this male/female book issue, but today, let’s just think about covers. And let’s have a CONTEST! It’s called COVERFLIP. It works like this.

1. Take a well-known book. (It’s up to you to define well-known.)

2. Imagine that book was written by an author of the OPPOSITE GENDER. Or a genderqueer author. Imagine all the things you think of when you think GIRL book or BOY book or GENDERLESS book (do they EXIST?). And I’m not saying that these categorizations are RIGHT—but make no mistake, they’re there.

I’ll put up one of my own covers as an example (because it doesn’t feel right to use someone else’s, in case they want no part of this discussion).* This is The Key to the Golden Firebird. It’s about three sisters who are dealing with the sudden death of their father. May, the middle sister, is trying to hold her family together and learn how to drive. This is the cover.

image

Now, as a mental exercise, imagine I’m Maurice Johnson. The book has the same exact topic. Does the cover look like this?

You get the point, I think.

3. Now, COVERFLIP! Make the new cover and put it online. Tweet or Tumbl it with the tag #coverflip.

4. I’ll be looking at them all, along with Huffington Post Books. They will put up a GALLERY of the best ones, and I’ll pick one winner to get a PRIZE PACK of signed books by me, along with whatever else I find in my house and shove in the envelope.

DEADLINE: TOMORROW, TUESDAY, MAY 7th, NOON E.S.T.

Remember to POST with #coverflip. That’s how we’ll find it.

* CRITICAL NOTE: 98% of authors don’t make or choose their covers. (Self-publishing, I know you do. I mean published with publishers.)

this is a fantastic idea.

saltbender:

let’s think about how men never have to settle for the “geeky” and “nerdy girl” and how there are dozens of movies where the ugly little duckling is transformed to this gorgeous woman so that the male character can be with her

and how there are dozens of movies where women are taught to look past looks and see that those “nerdy” guys are actually really great

methodistcoloringbook:

ilu simon amstell, you glorious sassy man

queerinnature:

FUNDRAISER FOR A FRIENDS TOP-SURGERY
Trans*/Queer/Genderqueer shirts. Ally ones soon to come!

My friend is trying to raise money for their top surgery. Every T-shirt sold gets them $10 towards their top surgery. All money goes directly towards that fund and nowhere else. Please help them out! 

Signal boost!!

Buy!!

OR DO BOTH.

Dad of the year

delirious-bitter-gardens:

jadelyn:

karethdreams:

alexandraerin:

wide-worlds-joy:

wecameforyourdead:

lunainvidia:

thegentlemangamer:

This dude re-coded The Legend of Zelda: Windwaker so all the pronouns and descriptions were gender-flipped. That way, his little girl could play as a heroine rescuing her little brother.

Let me repeat that: he RE-CODED THE GAME so his LITTLE GIRL could be the hero, instead of playing as a male character and seeing him rescue a girl.

holy shit this is really awesome, what a wonderful father ;w;

I can’t believe people are getting upset over this, this guy is awesome. :D

It’s that he broke a proprietary game to recode it.  It’s not that he did it, it’s that he broke a copywritten game to do it.

If I bought a print of a painting, I could draw a mustache on it before I hang it on my wall. If I bought a book, I could highlight a choice passage or strike out a word that irked me. 

Altering a copy of a work of art is not a violation of copyright.

It might be a violation of the licensing terms for the game, but we haven’t yet reached the point where media companies can dictate law with their licenses. In practical terms, he voided the warranty… and so what? It’s his copy of the game.

Seriously? They are going to claim that the reason there are people getting upset about what this dad did is because he broken the “proprietary” code of a “copywritten” game to do it? Really? I’ll believe that when pig grow wings and fly to Mars.

The people complaining about it are largely the same group of people who normally celebrate people who creatively mod games, the sort who gamers who would think nothing of having a rom of Windwalker themselves (something that requires breaking not just the proprietary code of the game, but the system as well).

What they are really upset about, and are just too afraid to say because they know just how bad it would make them sound, is that he made Link into a girl. It challenges the world view they cling to where gaming is solely the domain of straight, white guys, and they just can’t seem to deal with that.

What this dad did is awesome. I’m glad he was able to do it if it helped his daughter enjoy the game more. It is something I would do for my own girls in a heartbeat if they asked.

Huge point to be made there (bolding mine), that I hadn’t thought of, but it’s entirely true.  I have never seen gamers come down on a mod simply because “the EULA says not to”.  Normally, it’s “wow look at this cool thing someone did with the game” and nobody gives an airborne copulation about the EULA.  Hell, most gamers I know applaud and encourage thwarting the legalese around games to get the game to do what you want.  

So when the only instance of gamers going “BUT EULA” happens when it’s something gender-related…that’s not a coincidence.

Not remotely coincidental. Do you know how many mods there are of SNES games alone? I’ve even had those end up in with the normal roms when I downloaded a rom pack. I’ve seen people talking about a mod that makes the original Final Fantasy Tactics ridiculously hard. People modded Chrono Trigger roms to make sequels/sidestories and kept working on them even after Square sent one particular one a C&D. And that’s just shit off the top of my head. There are countless mods floating around the internet, free for download. But suddenly it’s a problem when this guy makes Link a girl for his daughter, when he’s not going to try to sell it or even make it available to others online? Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Side-eying you so hard, gaming community. That dad is awesome.

“I don’t think it’s terribly controversial to note that women, from a young age, are required to consider the reality of the opposite gender’s consciousness in a way that men aren’t. This isn’t to say that women don’t often misunderstand, mistreat, and stereotype men, both in literature and in life. But on a basic level, functioning in society requires that women register that men are fully conscious; it is not really possible for a woman to throw up her hands and write men off as eternally unknowable space aliens — and even if she says she has, she cannot really behave as though she has. Every element of her life — from reading books about boys and men to writing papers about the motivations of male characters to being attentive to her own safety to navigating most any institutional or professional or economic sphere — demands an ironclad familiarity with, and belief in, the idea that men really are fully human entities. And no matter how many men come to the same conclusions about women, the structure of society simply does not demand so strenuously that they do so. If you didn’t really deep down believe that women were, in general, exactly as conscious as you, you could probably still get by in life. You could probably still get a book deal. You could probably still get elected to office.”
beverlymaureen:

A mother of a small boy who likes to wear dresses wrote a book just for him and little boys like him.
It is about acceptance, love and breaking the traditional stereotypes. I read it to my own little princess boy and his brothers and hope that little by little we can change the world where these sort of books don’t have to be written to help with acceptance, a world where there is no hate. Especially the hate directed to little boys who wear pink and the families that love them.

beverlymaureen:

A mother of a small boy who likes to wear dresses wrote a book just for him and little boys like him.

It is about acceptance, love and breaking the traditional stereotypes. I read it to my own little princess boy and his brothers and hope that little by little we can change the world where these sort of books don’t have to be written to help with acceptance, a world where there is no hate. Especially the hate directed to little boys who wear pink and the families that love them.

I didn’t want to talk my son into not wearing dresses and skirts. He didn’t make friends in doing that in Berlin already and after a lot of contemplation I had only one option left: To broaden my shoulders for my little buddy and dress in a skirt myself. After all you can’t expect a child at pre-school age to have the same ability to assert themselves as an adult. Completely without role model. And so I became that role model…
(via OMG arglebarglelkgfiu…ok, crying nao: Super Dad is super. « Emily L. Hauser – In My Head)

I didn’t want to talk my son into not wearing dresses and skirts. He didn’t make friends in doing that in Berlin already and after a lot of contemplation I had only one option left: To broaden my shoulders for my little buddy and dress in a skirt myself. After all you can’t expect a child at pre-school age to have the same ability to assert themselves as an adult. Completely without role model. And so I became that role model…

(via OMG arglebarglelkgfiu…ok, crying nao: Super Dad is super. « Emily L. Hauser – In My Head)

fishingboatproceeds:

athertoned:

Caster Semenya carried the flag for South Africa, following three years of hardship. Caster was banned from competing in 2009 after doubts were raised about her gender. She was allowed to race again in 2011, and qualified for the London games. She’s a favourite to win the women’s 800m race. 
It’s great to see her back in competition, and being chosen to carry her nation’s flag. Go Caster!

(n.b. Track and field authorities questioned Semenya’s sex, not her gender.)
I was so psyched to see Caster Semenya hold the flag for South Africa. But I remain concerned about the IOC trying to define femaleness by testosterone level. As Jordan-Young points out, “If it’s unfair to have testosterone levels higher than other athletes, why not limit men’s levels, too?”

fishingboatproceeds:

athertoned:

Caster Semenya carried the flag for South Africa, following three years of hardship. Caster was banned from competing in 2009 after doubts were raised about her gender. She was allowed to race again in 2011, and qualified for the London games. She’s a favourite to win the women’s 800m race. 

It’s great to see her back in competition, and being chosen to carry her nation’s flag. Go Caster!

(n.b. Track and field authorities questioned Semenya’s sex, not her gender.)

I was so psyched to see Caster Semenya hold the flag for South Africa. But I remain concerned about the IOC trying to define femaleness by testosterone level. As Jordan-Young points out, “If it’s unfair to have testosterone levels higher than other athletes, why not limit men’s levels, too?”