Showing posts tagged feminism

nostalgebraist:

pervocracy:

postwhitesociety:

hm

I think the “women are mysterious” thing can also come from:
1) Women actually being quite clear, but not telling men what they want to hear.  ”She said she doesn’t want to talk to me?  So many mixed messages and confusing signals!”
2) Women not having cheat codes.  ”I tried being nice, and she didn’t have sex with me.  I tried being an asshole, and she didn’t have sex with me.  Come on, there’s got to be some kind of solution to this puzzle!”
3) Women not being a hive mind.  ”First a woman told me that she likes guys with big muscles.  Then the very next day a woman told me she thinks muscles aren’t attractive at all.  Make up your mind, women!”
4) An individual woman doing something confusing, and instead of asking “why is she doing this now?” men ask “why do women always do this?”

Yeah, I can definitely remember thinking things along the lines of 1, 3 and 4 in the past, and this making me think women were “mysterious.”  (I don’t think I’ve ever really thought like 2, but I’ve known guys who did.)
This kind of thing is probably one of the main reasons I have positive views of feminism — specifically, feminism in the “think about male privilege” sense, as opposed to sense of any particular political program (I have positive views of those too, but that’s not what I’m talking about here).  I remember thinking things about women that were both dehumanizing and (in retrospect) really stupid, and it wasn’t at all obvious to me that this blind spot was there, and the only way I became aware of it was by people pointing it out.
It seems like men in my society come pre-installed with these oddly terrible (in both the sense of “immoral” and “incorrect”) ideas that just sit around until they get specifically corrected.  Broader ideas about equality or open-mindedness can’t correct for them.  Indeed, the terrible ideas are so dumb that if they could be dispelled by basic common sense and decency, it seems like almost no one would believe them.
Instead, they live in their own little protected space, insulated from epistemic closure, and you can talk all you want about broader principles and men will still go on doing this stuff.  The only way to fix the bug is to point it out specifically — “you have these specific bad ideas about women that seem to function in isolation from everything else and not obey common sense or decency” — and once you go there, you’re Being Feminist, and the vast and complicated reputation of “feminism” rises up to face you.
I wish the cure for this disease were easier to spread than it is.  Men can be partly disabused of these ideas, I think, if the ideas are specifically addressed, but the act of “specifically addressing the ideas” has this really complicated reputation which leaves people lots of ways to say “oh, no, I’m not going to do that" and sound reasonable.  I wish it were simple, and unobjectionable, to talk about these things.

nostalgebraist:

pervocracy:

postwhitesociety:

hm

I think the “women are mysterious” thing can also come from:

1) Women actually being quite clear, but not telling men what they want to hear.  ”She said she doesn’t want to talk to me?  So many mixed messages and confusing signals!”

2) Women not having cheat codes.  ”I tried being nice, and she didn’t have sex with me.  I tried being an asshole, and she didn’t have sex with me.  Come on, there’s got to be some kind of solution to this puzzle!”

3) Women not being a hive mind.  ”First a woman told me that she likes guys with big muscles.  Then the very next day a woman told me she thinks muscles aren’t attractive at all.  Make up your mind, women!”

4) An individual woman doing something confusing, and instead of asking “why is she doing this now?” men ask “why do women always do this?”

Yeah, I can definitely remember thinking things along the lines of 1, 3 and 4 in the past, and this making me think women were “mysterious.”  (I don’t think I’ve ever really thought like 2, but I’ve known guys who did.)

This kind of thing is probably one of the main reasons I have positive views of feminism — specifically, feminism in the “think about male privilege” sense, as opposed to sense of any particular political program (I have positive views of those too, but that’s not what I’m talking about here).  I remember thinking things about women that were both dehumanizing and (in retrospect) really stupid, and it wasn’t at all obvious to me that this blind spot was there, and the only way I became aware of it was by people pointing it out.

It seems like men in my society come pre-installed with these oddly terrible (in both the sense of “immoral” and “incorrect”) ideas that just sit around until they get specifically corrected.  Broader ideas about equality or open-mindedness can’t correct for them.  Indeed, the terrible ideas are so dumb that if they could be dispelled by basic common sense and decency, it seems like almost no one would believe them.

Instead, they live in their own little protected space, insulated from epistemic closure, and you can talk all you want about broader principles and men will still go on doing this stuff.  The only way to fix the bug is to point it out specifically — “you have these specific bad ideas about women that seem to function in isolation from everything else and not obey common sense or decency” — and once you go there, you’re Being Feminist, and the vast and complicated reputation of “feminism” rises up to face you.

I wish the cure for this disease were easier to spread than it is.  Men can be partly disabused of these ideas, I think, if the ideas are specifically addressed, but the act of “specifically addressing the ideas” has this really complicated reputation which leaves people lots of ways to say “oh, no, I’m not going to do that" and sound reasonable.  I wish it were simple, and unobjectionable, to talk about these things.

What if
all women were bigger and stronger than you
and thought they were smarter

What if
women were the ones who started wars

What if
too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos
and no K-Y Jelly

What if
the state trooper
who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike
was a woman
and carried a gun

What if
the ability to menstruate
was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs

What if
your attractiveness to women depended
on the size of your penis

What if
every time women saw you
they’d hoot and make jerking motions with their hands

What if
women were always making jokes
about how ugly penises are
and how bad sperm tastes

What if
you had to explain what’s wrong with your car
to big sweaty women with greasy hands
who stared at your crotch
in a garage where you are surrounded
by posters of naked men with hard-ons

What if
men’s magazines featured cover photos
of 14-year-old boys
with socks
tucked into the front of their jeans
and articles like:
“How to tell if your wife is unfaithful”
or
“What your doctor won’t tell you about your prostate”
or
“The truth about impotence”

What if
the doctor who examined your prostate
was a woman
and called you “Honey”

What if
you had to inhale your boss’s stale cigar breath
as she insisted that sleeping with her
was part of the job

What if
you couldn’t get away because
the company dress code required
you wear shoes
designed to keep you from running

And what if
after all that
women still wanted you
to love them.

For the Men Who Still Don’t Get It, written 20 years ago by Carol Diehl. 

She wrote a post about the history of this poem that is worth reading.

(via archangvl)

SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT

(via sulfurkitten)

“These days, law enforcement can comfortably deem a Tennessee mother unfit and jail her for having taken methamphetamine while pregnant. Authorities can condemn—by arrest and the removal of her child to foster care—South Carolina mother Debra Harrell, who allowed her nine-year-old daughter to play at the park while she worked at McDonald’s. It’s such a comfortable pose, gathering around women and deciding what we think of them—hot or not, alluring or tragic, moral or immoral, responsible or irresponsible, capable of consent or incapable of consent, maternal or neglectful.”

tamorapierce:

doctorscienceknowsfandom:

anatsuno:

navalenigma:

shayvaalski:

friendlycloud:

agewa:

“We went to Kineshma, that’s in Ivanovo region, to visit his parents. I went as a heroine and I never expected someone to welcome me, a front-line girl, like that. We’ve gone through so much, we’ve saved lives, lifes of mothers, wives. And then… I heard accusations, I was bad-mouthed. Before that I’ve only ever been “dear sister”… We had tea and my husband’s mother took him aside and started crying: “Who did you marry? A front-line girl… You have two younger sisters. Who’s going to marry them now?” When I think back to that moment I feel tears welling up. Imagine: I had a record, I loved it a lot. There was a song, it said: you have the right to wear the best shoes. That was about a front-line girl. I had it playing, and [his?] elder sister came up and broke it apart, saying: you have no rights. They destroyed all my photos from the war… We, front-line girls, went through so much during hte war… and then we had another war. Another terrible war. The men left us, they didn’t cover our backs. Not like at the front.” from С.Алексеевич “У войны не женское лицо”

In Soviet Union women participating in WWII were erased from history, remaining as the occasional anecdote of a female sniper or simply as medical staff or, at best, radio specialists. The word “front-line girl” (frontovichka) became a terrible insult, synonimous to “whore”. Hundreds thousand of girls who went to war to protect their homeland with their very lives, who came back injured or disabled, with medals for valor, had to hide it to protect themselves from public scorn. 

This has always happened in history: Women do something important. Then they get shamed for it (so nobody will talk about it) and it gets erased from history.

And then certain men will say: “Women suck, they’ve never done anything important.”

Look into history and learn that women have played a far greater role then douches (present and past) wanted you to know.

Hey Will (and Jack) I got you something.

So this is important. Let me tell you a story.

All the time I spend debating about women in combat, I’ve picked up on a trend that disturbs me. Supporting or attacking, people are quick to draw on biology, psychology, law, but very rarely - almost never - do I hear about the history of women in combat, and the evidence their service lends to this debate.

Hundreds of thousands of women faced combat in WW2, and on both sides, and on all fronts, and it is a history that has been almost completely erased from contemporary awareness. I have been given arguments about how women can not psychologically handle combat. And about how women in mixed-gender combat units will automatically disrupt group cohesion - the brotherhood, if you will. Both of these assertions are erasure.

Women have not lived in a protective bubble untouched by combat for all of history. Women have been killed, wounded, and captured in combat, and tortured after. We are not living a world where these are hypothetical situations women have yet to prove they can handle. Unfortunately, they have, they can, in the future, they probably will, again and again. Soviet women served as partisans, snipers, tank drivers, fighter pilots, bombers. And more.

Both British and American women served in mixed-gender AA units. I could drag you through several examples of British women performing exemplarily despite being wounded, or seeing their comrades die. The Luftwaffe did not discriminate. Between the British and the Americans, it was determined that mixed gender units actually performed much better than all male units, because of teamwork. Because women are better and certain tasks, men are better at certain tasks, and at other tasks they are comparably efficient, and in a team, hopefully, in combat, you let the best do what they are best at. For the most part, they were proud to serve together. 

German propaganda never commented on the British AA units, but they thoroughly smeared the Soviet fighting woman - flitenweiber. People often argue with me that women are a threat to group cohesion because men naturally give women preferential treatment. Which certainly explains why men are more likely to survive shipwrecks. And history shows us that Germans soldiers had no chivalrous compunction when it came to shooting captured Soviet women who were armed.

We’re fed a history of war that almost exclusively features white male figures, most of whom fit into this destructive constructed myth of the soldier that is somehow both chivalrous and charmingly womanizing and who’s sense of brotherhood is unshakably dependent on the band being all man. There is no history of woman at war, none. I hear a lot about how women have no upper body strength, I hear nothing about the Front-Line Female Comrade.

THE WORD FRONTOVICHKA BECAME A TERRIBLE INSULT - are you fucking kidding me? Fuck, that made me cry. At first when I started reading I thought I was reading alernate history fiction. I’m ashamed to be ignorant about this, and full of rage and much worse bitter shame that this history is constantly repressed, suppressed, hidden. WHAT THE FUCK. D: D: D:

I didn’t know that bit about the AA (Anti-Aircraft) units.

And even in this article I don’t see a mention of the women of the Israeli Army, or women of the resistance if we’re just sticking to WWII.  I didn’t know about the Russian soldiers, only the fighter pilots, the night witches, and I’ve spent years poking into the corners of history trying to find women who will serve as ammunition when men tell me women can’t fight. 

The best explanation I’ve heard of what happened to women after WWII comes from “A League of Their Own,” the publicist’s character: “What is this—the war is over, Rosie, turn in your rivets?”  Women all over the world had to step into the same old ruts.

I don’t think it’s any mistake at all that Betty Friedan wrote her ground-breaking text for the second wave of feminism, THE FEMININE MYSTIQUE, just 10 years after WWII, after women had dined on a full plate of the same old, same old.

And shame on the men who never stood up for the women who worked and fought beside them, and saved their lives.

facebooksexism:

feminishblog:

catracism:

Oh I am definitely responding to this one

OMG, Maya. Get him. Get him good. (that is all) xx

The only dude-douche I’ve ever known that debated me on how feminism doesn’t mean anything anymore was a douchey douche for sure.

the answer is “to weed out dudes like you.”

facebooksexism:

feminishblog:

catracism:

Oh I am definitely responding to this one

OMG, Maya. Get him. Get him good. (that is all) xx

The only dude-douche I’ve ever known that debated me on how feminism doesn’t mean anything anymore was a douchey douche for sure.

the answer is “to weed out dudes like you.”

beranyth:

televangelionist:

Do people who think sexism doesn’t affect women who aren’t traditionally feminine realize that people would literally refuse to hire me for not acting feminine enough in an interview, that they would be less likely to promote me and take me seriously in the workplace and more likely to consider me as someone to fire?

There was a study about this going around Tumblr last night and a bunch of the comments were like “well you should wear make-up and stuff ANYWAY because it’ll make you feel more confident in yourself and your gender!!!!” and it’s like

No. It would not. It would make me feel like I was being forced to be someone I’m not simply because I am a girl.

"There’s nothing wrong with being a girl" is an important message and all but it constantly comes to me with the caveat that to be a "real girl" I absolutely must be traditionally feminine. There is nothing wrong with being traditionally feminine, I am not saying there is and I will gladly stand up for traditionally feminine things, but presenting that way is not who I am and that should be okay, too.

Things that are traditionally feminine are looked down upon but they are expected of women because we are all looked down upon, and when a woman is not personally interested in those things people make constant attempts to “put her in her place” and make her act “like a real girl.” Whether you like traditionally feminine things or not, sexism affects you if you are a girl, even if it may affect you somewhat differently. I am a real girl whether I wear make-up and high heels or do not personally enjoy dressing like that.

We absolutely need “there’s nothing wrong with being a girl” to come with “there’s no wrong way to be a girl.”

This is so, so important.  I honestly felt more forced into traditional femininity after being exposed to feminism (particularly the weaponized femininity movement) because of the overpowering message that my discomfort with traditionally feminine things was simply a result of internalized misogyny.  That I was obviously hating myself and hating my gender for not forcing myself to enjoy the things patriarchy was already forcing me to do!

I’m disgusted at how much these movements have erased and dismissed the struggles of those who don’t conform to traditional feminiity, or those who unwillingly conform to make a living or avoid backlash, or those who are barred from it because of the narrow definition it celebrates (white, cis, thin, traditionally beautiful, abled, wealthy enough to afford the clothes and makeup, etc).  

We’re told not only to love this strict, exclusive, demanding mold we’re forced into, but to find power in it.  We’re told to celebrate our agency by choosing it, and if we don’t, we’re just another misogynist.

The emphasis behind these movements is, in effect, not to change the society forcing us into a box, but to change how we feel about the box.

adayinthelesbianlife:

One of the most effective ways of making females stronger protagonists in society is to prioritise them in our choices and to live a consciously gynocentric life, whenever practicable. Are you voting? Looking for a tattoo artist? Need a plumber, a gardener, a builder? A voiceover artist for your video? A DJ for your party? Security staff for your business? Find a sister. Give her your time, give her economic power, help her achieve her dreams. Choose women, it is a small act in your daily life but with massive impact. We’ve got to do this for each other, because I don’t see anybody else giving a fuck.

Anonymous asked

why are you so fired up over feminism and rape culture

brennanat answered

  • because i woke up from a nap with a boys hands sliding down my jeans and when I left him with a black eye he told everyone i was a bitch and a slut that he used for sex when I had never had sex at all
  • because my close friend was raped in her dorm room and now she can’t get in bed without checking that the door is locked 3 times
  • because “she was asking for it” is still said
  • because no doesn’t mean no in todays society
  • because i can’t wear shorts in 90 degree weather without being oversexualized
  • because the phrase “boys will be boys” is still in existance
  • BECAUSE IT IS IMPORTANT AND SOMETHING TO BE FIRED UP OVER

35 Practical Tools for Men to Further Feminist Revolution

blownfromthesunintothesurf:

bthny:

keepingtrackofnothing:

pamelaclark:

On Facebook, a friend recently linked to an article called 20 Tools for Men to Further Feminist Revolution. Although he liked the list, he (correctly) noted that most of the suggestions were quite academic.*

His comments have prompted me to create a list of more practical tools. Most men—particularly men who benefit from multiple forms of structural privilege—do many things in their daily lives that directly or indirectly contribute to a culture of gender inequality. Even men who support feminism in theory can be… not great at applying feminism in their everyday practices.

This list entails suggestions for some practical tools all men can apply in their day-to-day lives to foster equality in their relationships with women, and to contribute to a culture where women feel less burdened, unsafe, and disrespected. 

Part of living in a patriarchal society is that men are not socialized to think about how their habits and attitudes harm women. This list is meant to push men to think more consciously and personally about the direct and indirect effects they have on women, and to think more about how they can contribute to feminism through their lived, everyday practices. 

Tools 15 - 27 are c/o Lindsay Ulrich. Other tools c/o Pamela Clark.

n.b.: The list is not intended to be exhaustive or exclusive. Certain items on the list will apply to some men more than others, but if you are a man and a human I guarantee there is at least one area on the list where you could make an improvement. If you think there’s something we’ve missed, tell me! If you think something on the list is problematic, let’s have a conversation about it!

1. Do 50% (or more) of housework. You need to do your share of housework all the time, of your own accord, without procrastinating, without being asked, without making excuses. Recognize that our domestic habits and our internalized ideas about unpaid domestic work are hugely gendered, hugely benefit men, and accept that it is your responsibility to fight against this. If feminism is the theory, clean dishes are the practice. Over the next week, take note of how much housework you do as compared to women you live with and note where it is or is not an equitable division. 

2. Do 50% (or more) of emotional support work in your intimate relationships and friendships. Recognize that women are disproportionately responsible for emotional labour and that being responsible for this takes away time and energy from things they find fulfilling. 

3. Consume cultural products produced by women. In whatever your interests are—French cinema, astrophysics, baseball, birdwatching—ensure that women’s voices and women’s cultural products are represented in what you are consuming. If they are not, make an effort to seek them out. 

4. Give women space. Many women walk around—especially at night or while alone—feeling on edge and unsafe. Being in close physical proximity to an unknown man can exacerbate this feeling. Recognize that this is not an unreasonable fear for women to have, given how many of us have experienced harassment or abuse or been made to feel unsafe by men when we are in public spaces. Also recognize that it doesn’t matter if you are the kind of man who a woman has any actual reason to fear, because a woman on the street doesn’t have a way of knowing this about you or not. 

Examples: If a seat is available on public transit next to a man, take that seat rather than one next to a woman. If you are walking outside in the dark close to a woman walking alone, cross the street so that she doesn’t have to worry someone is following her. If a woman is standing alone on a subway platform, stand some distance away from her. 

5. … but insert yourself into spaces where you can use your maleness to interrupt sexism.**Examples: challenge men who make sexist comments and jokes. If you see a female friend in a bar/at a party/on the subway/wherever looking uncomfortable as a man is speaking to her, try to interject in a friendly way that offers her an opportunity for an “out” if she wants it. If you see a situation where a woman looks like she may be in distress while in the company of a man, stand nearby enough that you make yourself a physical presence, monitor the situation, and be in a position to call for help if needed.

6. When a woman tells you something is sexist, believe her.

7. Educate yourself about sexual consent and make sure there is clear, unambiguous communication of consent in all your sexual relationships.

8. Be responsible for contraception. If you are in a relationship where contraception is necessary, offer to use methods that do not have health risks for women (use of hormones, surgeries, etc.) and treat these as preferable options. If your partner prefers a particular method, let her be in charge of making that decision without questioning or complaining about it. Don’t whine about condom usage, and be responsible for buying them and having them available if that’s the method you’re using. 

Assume financial responsibility for any costs related to contraception. Women earn less than men, and also have to assume all the physical risk of pregnancy. Further, in instances where contraception involves any amount of physical risk, it is virtually always women who must assume this risk. As a gesture that redresses a minuscule amount of this disparity, heterosexual men should finance the whole cost of contraceptives. 

9. Get the HPV vaccine. If you are a young man, get it. If you have a young son, ensure he gets it. Since women are the ones who are disproportionately affected by the consequences of HPV, as a matter of fairness men should be the ones who at least assume the potential risks*** of getting vaccinated. 

10. Have progressive name politics. If you and your female partner decide that the institution of marriage is something you want to be involved with, be willing to both keep your existing surnames. If having a common surname with your spouse is important to you, be willing to change your surname and treat this as a preferable option to your spouse changing hers. 

11. If you have children, be an equal parent. Be willing to take paternity leave and to stay home and care for them when they are young. Divide childcare responsibilities so that you are doing at least 50% of the work, and ensure it is divided such that you and your partner both get to spend an equal amount of “play” time with your children too. 

12. Pay attention to and challenge informal instances of gender role enforcement. For example, if you are at a family function or dinner party, pay attention to whether it is mostly/only women who are doing food preparation/cleaning/childcare while men are socializing and relaxing. If it is, change the dynamic and implore other men to do the same.

13. Be mindful of implicit and explicit gendered power differentials in your intimate/domestic relationships with womenwhether a partner or family members or roommates. Work to recognize where inherent structural power  differentials based on race, class, gender, sexual orientation, age (and so on). Where you benefit from these structural imbalances, educate yourself about your privilege and work on finding ways to create a more equitable balance of power. For example, if you are in a domestic partnership where you are the primary income earner, educate yourself about the gendered wage gap, and work on dividing labour and economic resources within your household in a way that increases the economic autonomy of your partner.

14. Make sure that honesty and respect guide your romantic and sexual relationships with women. The way you treat women with whom you are in a relationship is a mirror of your values about women in general. It doesn’t work to espouse feminist theory and then treat your partners like trash. Be upfront and open about your intentions, communicate openly so that women have the ability to make informed, autonomous decisions about what they want to do.

15. Don’t be an online bystander in the face of sexism. Challenge people who make, say, or post sexist things on the internet, especially on social media.

16. Be responsible with money in domestic/romantic relationships. Know that if you are irresponsible with money, this necessarily impacts your partner and since women still make less than men overall (and live longer), this is a feminist issue.

Example: Your credit card debt/money wastage/gambling problem impacts her economic livelihood and future. Share budget making, tax filing, and general personal finance duties and be open and honest about household money management.

17. Be responsible for your own health. Men go to the doctor less often than women for issues troubling them, and when they do, it’s often at the urging of women in their lives. To have a long and healthy partnered life for both you and your spouse means being responsible for your own health, noting any issues, and taking them seriously. Since we’re dependent on one another, your long-term health is also her long-term health.

18. Don’t ogle or make comments about women. (i.e. Keep your tongue in your mouth and comments to yourself.) Even though women may be more prone to wearing more revealing outfits than men, don’t ogle them just because you want to and can. Though you may find someone attractive, there’s a line between noticing and being creepy/disrespectful. It makes the ogler feel uncomfortable, as well as any women who notice the ogling or are aware of the comments. 

19. Pay attention to the sex of experts and key figures presenting information to you in the media. When you are watching an expert on TV, reading articles, etc., notice how often this information will come from men and, at the very least, wonder how a female perspective might be different.

20. Ensure that some of your heroes and role models are women.

21. Praise the virtues and accomplishments of women in your life to others. In everyday conversation and in communication in general, talk to others about women you know in a positive light. Suggest your female friends for projects, jobs, and collaborations with other people you know.

22. Have integrity with your male friends. (i.e. Don’t be a “bro.”) When a male friend is doing something sexist (being a deadbeat dad, down-talking women, ogling women, secretly spending shared money, lying to their partner, etc) have integrity and say something to your friend. It’s not enough to think it’s wrong; let them know you think it’s wrong.

23. Don’t treat your spouse like a “nag.” If she is “nagging,” you are probably lagging. 

24. Know that acknowledging your own sexist opinions and stereotypes you hold is not enough. Do something about them.

25. Befriend females. If you don’t have any female friends, figure out why you don’t and then make some. Make sure they are authentic, meaningful relationships.The more we care about and relate to one anther, the better chance we stand of creating a more egalitarian society.

26. Find female mentors/leaders. (i.e. Be subordinate to females.) If you are seeking a mentor, or want to volunteer with an organization, go with a female, or female-led organization. Know that there’s a lot you can learn from females in positions of authority.

27. When in a romantic relationship, be responsible for events and special dates associated with your side of the family. Remember your family members’ birthdays, anniversaries and important events. Don’t rely on your spouse to send cards, make phone calls, organize reunions, etc. It is your family, and thus your responsibility to remember, care about, and contact them.

28. Don’t police women’s appearance. Women are taught to internalize intensely restrictive beauty norms from the time they are small children. Don’t do or say things that makes women feel like they aren’t meeting this norm, or create pressure on them to meet it. At the same time, it is equally not a feminist response to do or say things that pressure women to use their body to resist these norms if they don’t want to. Recognize that there are significant social sanctions for women who disobey beauty norms and they shouldn’t be expected to act as martyrs and accept these sanctions if they don’t want to.

Whether according to your personal aesthetic or ideals you think she wears too much makeup or too little, removes too much body hair or not enough, it is none of your business how women choose for their bodies to look.

29. Offer to accompany female friends if they have to walk home alone at night… or in a public space where they may be likely to feel unsafe, but don’t be pushy about it or act like you are being the Ultimate Gentleman for doing so.

30. Inject feminism into your daily conversations with other men. If your father doesn’t do his fair share of housework, talk to him about why this is important. If your friend cheats on his girlfriend or speaks negatively about her, talk to him candidly about respecting individual women with whom he is intimate is part of having respect for women in general. Have conversations with your younger brothers and sons about sexual consent.

31. If you have a tendency to behave inappropriately toward women when you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, do not consume drugs or alcohol.

32. Be aware of the physical and emotional space you occupy, and don’t take up more space than you need. Use your fair share of “air space” in conversations, give as much to relationships as you take, don’t sit with your legs splayed so that other people can’t comfortably sit next to you, etc.

33. Walk the walk about income inequality. Women still earn about 77% as much as men. If you are in a position where you are financially able to do so, consider donating a symbolic 23% of your income to social justice-oriented causes. If 23% sounds like a lot to you, that’s because it is a lot and it’s also a lot for women who don’t have a choice whether to forfeit this amount or not.

34. Get in the habit of treating your maleness as an unearned privilege that you have to actively work to cede rather than femaleness being an unearned disadvantage that women have to work to overcome.

35. Self-identify as a feminist. Speak about feminism as a natural, normal, uncontentious belief, because it should be. Don’t hedge and use terms like “humanist” or “feminist ally” that reinforce the idea that the F-word itself is a scary word.

.

* The friend in question, like me, is an academic, so this point is not meant to be an indictment of the original article. It’s just that practical tools and academic tools can have different places in the world.

** Things like this can super difficult, awkward, and complicated to know how to do, but it’s worth trying anyway. Making yourself feel momentarily uncomfortable is a fair tradeoff for making a woman feel more comfortable.

*** I am hugely pro-vaccines in general and don’t believe there actually are significant risks, but this is a matter of principle.

This. A million times this. 

I have very little patience for men who call themselves feminists (or allies) but then refuse to put in the work to confront their own sexist beliefs and practices or those of their male friends and acquaintances.

Which probably has a lot to do with why I have fewer male friends now than I did a few years ago. 

this is very good

I want to print this out and give it to every man I know.

rebeccacohenart:

So sick of people who pretend their problem is with the word “feminism” rather than the concept of gender equality.

rebeccacohenart:

So sick of people who pretend their problem is with the word “feminism” rather than the concept of gender equality.

“"I love women," is not a get out of jail free card. Thicke pulled the same bullshit when he was accused of degrading women in "Blurred Lines": "When we made the song, we had nothing but the most respect for women," he said. How nice of you to say so, Mr. Thicke. Alas, your work shows the opposite to be true. I am fairly certain many of the men who buy sex and consume porn also think they do it because they really, really, love women. NOPE. You love women like I love wine — as something I consume selfishly for my personal benefit and as a product.”

Meghan Murphy (No, “female-appreciation” is not the same thing as feminism)

Full article here

(via casocracy)

prvaire asked

ooh, can you tell me abt why joss whedon is being hypocritical when he talks about feminism?? i've watched some of his shitty speeches where he thinks he's being ''feminist' but i feel like i'm missing something else w/ him being awful

bisexualoberynmartell answered

oh boy alright buckle up friend this is gonna be a bumpy ride

  • despite the fact that buffy the vampire slayer is set in california, a region of the country with a huge latin@ population, he erases them from his work completely
  • he completely erases asian characters from firefly while still appropriating their language and culture to benefit his white (and black) cast
  • he whitewashes asian characters in both firefly and buffy
  • he goes on and on about how he loves his ladies!!! he writes strong women bc ppl still ask why he feels the need to!!!!!! and then he repeatedly punishes them for that strength with death, mental illness, threats of rape or sexual assault, forced impregnation, death of their loved ones, and other forms of abuse
  • on that note, if u name a lead female character in one of his shows odds r u’ll find their entire narrative is a rape allegory. in buffy, the first slayer was forced into her role by men who thought they knew better what the world needed than she did and literally did not care what she wanted. this power is then passed from generation to generation without any notion of consent, and each generation of slayers is repeatedly subjected to violence and brutalized and, as u know from watching the show, prbly dies horribly. in angel, cordelia is forceably given doyle’s (incredibly painful) visions after he dies, using the age-old receptacle of a kiss she didn’t want. in firefly, river is kidnapped by some shady government project, tortured and lobotomized and experimented on, and then released back into the world as some sort of super powered murder machine. (i’m not even gonna talk about the repeated threats of rape against inara and kaylee; i talked about this a little bit in this post). not a single character in dollhouse is capable of informed consent.
  • this post also includes a link to a discussion w joss whedon about what would have happened to inara if the series had continued, wherein he talks about how her story arc’s pinnacle achievement would have been where she was kidnapped and gang raped by reavers, except w the delightful fact that she takes some sort of drug that automatically kills her rapists!!!! which, first of all, doesn’t even make sense, and second of all is just so fucking gross i have no words.
  • his run on x-men is super infantilizing and slut-shaming
  • he fired charisma carpenter from angel bc she got pregnant, and then, after signing a contract stating she wouldn’t be brought back just for cordelia to be killed, brought her back from the 100th episode and killed cordelia
  • in buffy the only queer ppl who matter r his (cis white) lesbians, which, while a nice change from the norm (that being that the only queer ppl who matter r cis white gay men), is gross bc a) gay men r used as props and jokes and b) buffy’s potential bisexuality was used to titillate dudes and sell the comics.
  • i don’t have any links for this, but his run on the runaways was apparently rly gross and transmisogynistic.
  • this is a rly gr8 post on rape and sexual consent in the world of buffy and angel.

i hope this helps

But not all men are like that!!!!!

stfu-moffat:

[TW: rape culture, sexual assault, objectification]

piscula:

men can take upskirt pictures of women and girls because women in public spaces have no legal expectation of privacy

women are treated as property that can be bought and sold and stolen as opposed to people

girls as young as kindergarten are called “sluts” for wearing a short skirt and forced to change clothes because boys and men might be distracted

men and boys literally can not seem to empathize with women (because i swear to god if melinda was a male character and everything else was the same the boys would not be asking that question)

men view women as literal objects

men build their own superiority into achievement tests that (in america) determine your future prospects

men believe that fat women don’t deserve to be loved simply because they are fat

women are villified for normal miscarriages and for aborting fetuses that were the result of rape (not to mention intentionally asserting bodily autonomy simply because you don’t want a fetus)

women can be raped on screen but can not masturbate on screen (even though men have masturbated on screen all the fucking time)

not wearing make up is one of the ways that psychologists determine if a woman is mentally healthy

Men have flat out stated that even if there is concrete evidence that a rape happened they would vote not guilty if on a jury.

Women need about 6 more years of education than men on average to make a comparable amount of money

Male Police officers have arrested women for resisting their advances with no initial punishment (until activists spoke up)

and this is just what i can think of recently.  There is so so so so so much more

gunlust:

lifeisrhythm:

A feminist and an anti-feminist walk into a bar. They sit down and have a drink together because they’re adults who don’t let personal views effect their decisions on who they should or should not associate with.

can’t wait to go willingly spend my time with people who hold toxic views and treat me and my friends like garbage so that someone online thinks i’m an adult