Just needed these on my blog, for future reference. From this post. Copyright Captain Awkward; I did not write this.
Here are the rules of dating I try to follow:
- The other person is just a human, by which I mean, don’t get too caught up in performing or expecting gender roles about who initiates/pays/pursues, etc.
- If you’re interested in someone, ask them out or tell them about it sooner rather than later, before you get too caught up in a fantasy or invested in the outcome.
- Nobody owes you time or affection, so don’t approach dating with a sense of entitlement.
- Understand that connection is rare and be cool and gracious about rejection – “Sorry you feel that way, since I enjoyed meeting you so much, but I totally understand. Good luck!”
- You can’t control whether someone will like you, so don’t change yourself to meet their expectations (or what you assume their expectations are). Focus on whether you like them.
- Listen to the other person – pay attention to the actual interaction that is taking place and not the one in your head.
- Don’t date anyone who isn’t as cool as your friends, by which I mean, the time spent with them is as fun as the time you spend with your friends and they show you the same kindness and consideration your friends do and get you the way your friends do and you can’t wait to introduce them to your friends.
- Look for reciprocity, honesty, and ease. Is it easy to make plans? Is it easy to get in touch with them? Do they do their share…of planning things? Of holding up their end of the conversation? Of talking about feelings? As you get to know them, are they who they appear to be? Do you feel like you can say what’s on your mind and ask questions? Do they respect boundaries? (Good!) Do you feel like you have to make yourself smaller or dumb it down to be with them? Do you feel like you’re always chasing them? Are you making pro/con lists and trying to talk yourself into giving them a chaaaaance? Do skeletons keep popping out of their closet? Do they say stuff like “I’m a mess, you deserve better than me?” Do you say stuff like “Well, there’s nothing really WRONG with them…?” to yourself? To your friends? (Bad! Abort.)
- Attraction! Or, as Commander Logic calls it, “groin.” Are you really excited about kissing this person (etc.)? Sadly, not every person who gives you happy pants feelings is the right person to build a happy life with, but you can’t force or fake attraction, so kiss some people as opportunities arise and see how you feel about that.