information addict

Sometimes I participate in a discussion about someone in public being mean to their child. By “being mean” I mean spanking, slapping, grabbing, yanking, dragging, yelling, name-calling, belittling, punishing and so forth. And there’s always someone in these discussions ready to declare that “parenting is hard” and we should therefore cut the parent some slack. And I just reject this wholeheartedly. It is not hard to not treat people like shit. Children are small, dependent people, and we should be doubly sure not to treat them like shit.

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No Excuses: Parenting Isn’t Hard | BlogHer (via notemily)

The problem I have with this is that I am a very, very, liberal parent. I do not spank or strike or anything that could even remotely be considered abusive or cruel behaviour. I STILL get glares from people whenever I raise my voice even slightly, or scold, or try to enforce boundaries with my child. Parenting IS difficult, especially with half the population criticizing how we choose to do it. Children need guidance to learn how to fit into a world who believes they don’t belong in public. Part of that will always involve discipline of some sort. This is how we LEARN as people.

I am very anti-violence against children, and yeah, I do consider spanking and slapping and name-calling, etc. abuse. I’ve dragged my kid from a store because she was throwing a tantrum. As in, dragged her, kicking and screaming and was more injured by her than my actions did to her. I’ve raised my voice to her when she’s acted like a jerk in public. I’ve sent her to bedroom to calm down and deal with an attitude problem. I will ground her from certain activities when she breaks rules. Children need to learn consequences (not fear of pain or fear of having love revoked) of their actions.

Children are people who deserve rights and protection, and no one will ever convince me otherwise, but there is this population of people who believe that there should be no punishing at all (or another sect who think that I am worse because I won’t spank a tantrum-throwing child). Sometimes? There is very little you can do. And honestly, fuck off to people who want to judge me for how I parent. Parents are human, and we fuck up. We need to be cut a bit of slack, honestly, because it is one of the most stressful things I have done in my entire life. I really wonder who these people are who can parent magically without punishments or discipline. 

(via ouyangdan)

You make some great points, and I am not nor have I ever been a parent so I really can’t speak from experience here. The only experience I have is as a child, and from that I would say: Don’t deliberately cause your children physical pain. Don’t call them names. And don’t punish them out of the heat of anger. I grew up with those behaviors and it sucked. (I’m not saying you do any of these things, just as general parenting guidelines.)

One of the major reasons I’m kind of terrified of parenting is that I don’t want to repeat those behaviors. TERRIFIED. Because I know how easy it is to even get exasperated at my foster kittens and start yelling at them. Fortunately they have no idea what I’m saying. Which is why I will stick to kittens for the foreseeable future.

Mostly I agree with this line: It is not hard to not treat people like shit. That applies to more than just parenting.