I think the “women are mysterious” thing can also come from:
1) Women actually being quite clear, but not telling men what they want to hear. ”She said she doesn’t want to talk to me? So many mixed messages and confusing signals!”
2) Women not having cheat codes. ”I tried being nice, and she didn’t have sex with me. I tried being an asshole, and she didn’t have sex with me. Come on, there’s got to be some kind of solution to this puzzle!”
3) Women not being a hive mind. ”First a woman told me that she likes guys with big muscles. Then the very next day a woman told me she thinks muscles aren’t attractive at all. Make up your mind, women!”
4) An individual woman doing something confusing, and instead of asking “why is she doing this now?” men ask “why do women always do this?”
Yeah, I can definitely remember thinking things along the lines of 1, 3 and 4 in the past, and this making me think women were “mysterious.” (I don’t think I’ve ever really thought like 2, but I’ve known guys who did.)
This kind of thing is probably one of the main reasons I have positive views of feminism — specifically, feminism in the “think about male privilege” sense, as opposed to sense of any particular political program (I have positive views of those too, but that’s not what I’m talking about here). I remember thinking things about women that were both dehumanizing and (in retrospect) really stupid, and it wasn’t at all obvious to me that this blind spot was there, and the only way I became aware of it was by people pointing it out.
It seems like men in my society come pre-installed with these oddly terrible (in both the sense of “immoral” and “incorrect”) ideas that just sit around until they get specifically corrected. Broader ideas about equality or open-mindedness can’t correct for them. Indeed, the terrible ideas are so dumb that if they could be dispelled by basic common sense and decency, it seems like almost no one would believe them.
Instead, they live in their own little protected space, insulated from epistemic closure, and you can talk all you want about broader principles and men will still go on doing this stuff. The only way to fix the bug is to point it out specifically — “you have these specific bad ideas about women that seem to function in isolation from everything else and not obey common sense or decency” — and once you go there, you’re Being Feminist, and the vast and complicated reputation of “feminism” rises up to face you.
I wish the cure for this disease were easier to spread than it is. Men can be partly disabused of these ideas, I think, if the ideas are specifically addressed, but the act of “specifically addressing the ideas” has this really complicated reputation which leaves people lots of ways to say “oh, no, I’m not going to do that" and sound reasonable. I wish it were simple, and unobjectionable, to talk about these things.
“The US military, which was to be the major force in constructing military prostitution in the post-World War II world, partook of the ‘comfort women’ system too. In the immediate postwar period the Japanese government was concerned that the US occupation troops would rape Japanese women if they were not supplied with prostituted women as a substitute. They thought this particularly because they were well aware of their own troops’ propensity to rape. Thus they constructed as deliberate state policy a comfort women system for the US military. A memo from the Home Ministry’s security division instructed police chiefs to ‘aggressively lead and quickly establish sexual comforting institutions’ (Lie, 1997, p. 257). The thousands of women required were to be recruited from women already in prostitution, ‘geisha, licensed and unlicensed prostitutes, waitresses, barmaids, habitual prostitutes and the like’ according to the official instruction to police chiefs (Tanaka, 2002, p. 134). The US and allied forces had already made plans, apparently, to set up military brothels as they advanced (ibid., p. 87). Not all the women were already in prostitution, as some high-school students working in munitions factories were recruited by the mafia groups closely linked with fascist political organizations, who acted as procurers. These students, who had lost their families in the war, were almost certainly deceived. They were gang-raped by groups of GIs as their induction. Some of the brothels were set up specifically to entertain high-ranking US officers and top delegates of the US government’s missions. There were always 20 ‘top geisha’ on hand to send to the dinner parties of high-ranking officers.
Some of the brothels set up at this time for the US military were so large that they can be seen as presaging the industrialization of prostitution. One had 300–400 women and was set up in the dormitories of an ex-munitions plant (Tanaka, 2002, p. 153). The total number of prostituted women being used by occupation troops in Tokyo alone at the end of 1945 was an estimated 10,000, with 70,000 overall (Lie, 1997). The state worked with private club and brothel owners to set up the Recreation and Amusement Association (RAA), which has been called ‘the world’s biggest white-slave traffic combine’, with capital of 50 million yen, of which 35 million yen was provided by the Finance Ministry. The state recruited by advertising for ‘special women employees’ for ‘comforting stationed troops’ and some women signed up because there was massive hunger and unemployment (ibid.).”
“You can’t spend the rest of your life being afraid of people rejecting you, and you have to start by not rejecting yourself, you don’t deserve it. From now on, people can either accept you for who you are or they can fuck off.”
1.05 | 5.07 | 7.11
As I’ve been applying for new graphic design positions, a popular company found my portfolio and resume and left me an excited voice mail asking if they could interview me for a graphic design position with an expected pay rate between $25-35/hr.
We made a date, and my interview went very, very well. I hit it off with both the HR person and the creative director, and they reiterated several times throughout the process that their pay rate matched my current rate. I was told they would be conducting more interviews with other candidates, but that they would let me know their decision within a week.
The very next day, the HR employee called me to tell me that they absolutely loved me. However, they wanted to know what interest I had in their car company because they weren’t “in the fashion industry”.
I was confused by this statement since nothing in my portfolio was even slightly related to fashion. The subject of fashion was never brought up in my interview. I wasn’t even wearing anything that “fashionable” - I wore a white dress shirt and black pants with heels, which I thought to be common interview attire. I am a woman in my mid 20’s, and have four years experience as both an art director for books, as well as running the graphic design department of an entire university. Here, I would only be making graphics of cars and car products.
He repeated twice on the phone that they were concerned that this company was not about fashion. I eventually had to say the phrase, “It’s a good thing I’m NOT into fashion.” I reluctantly clarified that I grew up on a farm and used to skip school to pour concrete or shingle rooves with my dad, who was a contractor. (In other words, yes, I am female, but don’t worry, I’m not a Barbie doll.) The man on the phone told me this was exactly what he wanted to hear, and then offered me $18/hr, seven dollars less than my bare minimum that we discussed at the onset of my interview. That’s a loss between $14,560 to $35,360 a year, or a 28% dropoff.
I was dumbstruck by their new offer. I repeated to the man on the phone what my minimum was, what we discussed, and that it was more than fair market value. He stuttered, then asked to call me back. A few minutes later, he called telling me that the benefits I would receive should be more than enough to make their’s a good offer, and that they wouldn’t go any higher. He also wanted me to know that they really liked me a lot.
He told me to call him back if I changed my mind in the next 24 hours. I told him to call me back if he got too desperate.
they do know graphic design and fashion design are not the same thing right
If you haven’t read this article, I highly suggest you do.
"tea is just leaf water!" "yeah well coffee is just bean water!" wow, it’s. it’s like everything is made of things. this door is just wood rectangle. this poster is just ink paper. this lemonade is just lemon water. wow, it’s like you can combine ingredients to make things that are more enjoyable than the initial parts of the equation. sure is a magical world we live in
this door is just wood rectangle
His default picture is of Cristiano Ronaldo, which is why I said, “Hi Cristiano.”
And then he sent me alllllll those messages. It’s like dude, slow down. But I actually feel really bad for him :(
i have a cat
and it is so fast